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"Laughter is the best medicine" - an old saying, and we do believe it helps.
Bookmark our funny comments page and come back often.
"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine."
Lord Byron
"Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and your nose gets red and stuffy, then your eyelids swell up." It's not an attractive look.
*According to Michael Miller, M.D., the director of preventive cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore, laughter causes the tissue that forms the inner lining of blood vessels to expand and increase blood flow. Researchers also found that mental stress can cause an unhealthy narrowing of blood vessels - a condition that can lead to or contribute to heart disease.
Other than falling off your chair or getting a stitch in your side, laughing won't hurt you.
Giggle your way into a ripe old age.
Want to prolong your life? Keep a good sense of humor, and . . .
Watch funny comedy shows and old movies
Read funny stories and humorous jokes
Try to avoid overly serious or stern people
Try and find the humor in everyday things
Share the laughter with others - it's contagious
Tell the people you love that you love them, improve everybody's mood
Forgive and try to forget
Keep learning
Enjoy the simple things life has to offer
Cherish your health - if it's good, keep it, if not, find natural ways to improve it
Be kind to everyone you meet, each person is fighting some kind of battle
Don't take guilt trips, go on a hiking trip or a tropical island, but don't go where guilt is
Spend time with light-hearted friends and family
Look at life through a child's eyes
Want to see your favorite jokes and funny comments included? Scroll down to the bottom of the page and send them on!
The following funny comments are Thanx to -- NFA -- from way back when . . .Natural Food Associates (NFA) was formed in Atlanta, Texas in 1953, to help connect scattered organic growers with fledgling markets for organically grown foods.
HOW NOT TO FARM
The Letter . . . .
"Dear Mr. Ag Secretary:
My friend, Mort Wilson received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want to get into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best type of farm to not raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise?
If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 "not raised" hogs, which will give me $80,000 income the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.
Now, another thing: These hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise?
I am also considering not milking cows, so please send me information on that, too.
In view of these circumstances, I understand that the government will consider me totally unemployed, so I plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.
Sincerely Yours, Mort Wilson"
Thanx to the Natural Food Associates for this priceless letter - and funny comments - circa 1989
In Retrospect..... Funny Comments made in the year 1955! (That's just 53 years ago!)
" I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00! "
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" Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one. "
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" If cigarettes keep going up in price,I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."
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" Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter!"
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" If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00....nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store. "
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" When I first started driving,who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon?
Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."
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" I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more....
Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it! "
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" I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century !
They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas . "
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" Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball?
It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President!"
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" I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric.
They're even making electric typewriters now ! "
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" It's too bad things are so tough nowadays.I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.
It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can BOTH work! "
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" I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business ! "
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" Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes !
I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress! "
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" The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather....
but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on. "
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" There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend,it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel! "
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" No one can afford to be sick anymore,at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood ! "
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" If they think I'll pay more than 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it ! "
Funny Comments from various Church Bulletins
Thank Goodness for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
Whether you are religious or not - attend a church of any denomination,or not. We hope you will find the humor in the church bulletin bloopers ! below.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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"Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King."
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"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
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"The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict."
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"Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you."
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"Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help."
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"Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."
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"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
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"Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get."
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"Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons."
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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"Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days."
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"A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow."
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"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice."
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"Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."
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"Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children."
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"Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered."
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"The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility."
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"Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow."
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"The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon."
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"This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin."
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"Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done."
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"The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday."
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"Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door."
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"The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."
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"Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance."
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"The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - UpYours"
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Kid' s really DO say the Darndest Things !
Funny Comments on Children's Science Exam Answers
If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's funny comments on their science exam answers...
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!) A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental !
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen) , etc.... A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...) A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.' A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
More Funny Comments by the Schoolchildren . . .
TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O- K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I ' MILLIE: I is... TEACHER: NO, Millie..... Always say, 'I am!' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....?
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me truthfully, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher.
And, for your funny bone, more 'funny comments' from the senior point of view ! Here's something old and something new.
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME.....
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.' He says. She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
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FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The 94 year old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?' The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
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' I CAN HEAR JUST FINE! '
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
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SUPER SEX
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Super sex...' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Super sex.'
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
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ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: 'You used to hold my hand when we were courting.' Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: 'Then you used to kiss me.' Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: 'Then you used to bite my Neck.' Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. 'Where are you going?' she asked. 'To get my teeth!'
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DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces,'Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!' An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, 'An elephant?' Bessie thinks a minute and says, 'Close enough.'
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OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
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SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, ' Herman , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Hell,' said Herman , 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
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DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous at the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, ' Mildred , did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh! Am I driving?'
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More Funny Comments and Senior Citizens !
"THE OLDER CROWD. . ."
The Doctor Says, what !? . . .
A distraught senior citizen Phoned her doctor's office.'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?''Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, I'm wondering, then, 'Just how serious is my condition...Because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'!'
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Tricky Operation
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery, and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia,he asked to speak to his son 'Yes, Dad, what is it? ''Don't be nervous, son , Do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well...If something happens to me... Your Mother s going to come and live with you and your wife....!'
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Food for thought . . .
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it..
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth...think of Algebra.
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Hmmmmmmm . . .
Long ago When men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,it was called witchcraft...Today, it's called GOLF .
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"Take my wife, please !"
Two old guys Are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart When they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. The second old guy says, 'That's OK, you know it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate ! 'The first old guy says, 'Well, Maybe I can help you find her... What does she look like?' The second old guy says, 'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, green eyes, long legs, and she's wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?' To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter . . . let's go look for yours.'
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This is a very nice video with inspirational quotes and great pictures. Just the thing to help inspire you on your new path to Natural Health and Healthy Living!
Are you interested in - Gardening - Fishing - Nature Stargazing, etc. ..?
You can keep track of the Current Phase of the Moon from the viewpoint of the Northern Hemisphere everyday.
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You can start on your way to good health today with our Healthy Living plan that is backed by over fifty years of positive health results. It could be called the Healthy Living ~ Anti-Aging Program... We call it "The Basic Keys"
*Sources :University of Maryland School of Medicine Study Shows Laughter Helps Blood Vessels Function Better"- "Blue and you"
We hope you enjoy the following funny comments - joke of the day - quote of the day - cartoons - videos - and all the rest.
sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: 
